Belonging
by TheDrunkenWerewolf
Summary: Rukia never really belonged anywhere, until she met Ichigo. Ichiruki. Rukia pov.


Summary - Rukia never really belonged anywhere, until she met Ichigo. Ichiruki. Rukia pov.

A/n- selling out my otp for an ichiruki ficlet before I resume my regular aigin content. Rukia 1st person pov. Written as a friendship fic but can be seen as romance if you feel like squinting really really hard. Tagged as the ship purely for the exposure.

Enjoy and please let me know what you think. even if it's just "this is garbage and you suck".

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**Belonging**

Ever since I left the rukongai district... I've always felt like I never really belonged anywhere.

It didn't help that I never really managed to make any friends. Even at the academy, people always tended to avoid me. Even though I tried to be polite and join in with their conversations and happy chatter before and after classes. But I'd always get sidelined. Or worse, just ignored completely. Like I didn't even exist.

And then they'd all move on without me. Do other things -without me.

I was invisible. To the point nobody noticed when I didn't show up for class.

I remember walking home feeling empty one day after just such a thing happened, and staring at myself in my bathroom mirror. What's wrong with me? I wondered. Is it my face? My hair? Am I not happy or smiley enough? Do I put people off talking to me?

I stared at myself, long and hard, as if that would yield the answers I sought. Because it must be something about me, surely. There had to be some reason why nobody wanted to be friends with me. Even Renji was making new friends. Leaving me behind.

Am I not good enough?

I tried so many times to start conversations. Join in with the fun. The happy chatter. I tried to fit in. But nothing worked.

I felt so isolated.

So cut off from everyone else.

I gave up trying in small little increments. Hurting a little bit less each time I was rejected. There are only so many times one can knock on a door and get no answer before walking away and giving up.

It was clear nobody wanted me. But that was fine. I was used to being on my own. Solitary trees as they say, if they grow at all, grow strong.

I was determined to be one of the strongest trees that could survive the harshest gales of loneliness.

I'd all but given up hope of ever finding even a friend, nevermind a family. So it came as a big surprise when Kuchiki Byakuya came and said he wanted to adopt me into his family.

I was speechless. Here I was, with no hope left, being dangled a lifeline. A home. A family.

Ever since Renji drifted away from me, it'd been what I'd always wanted.

That's when Renji crashed in.

The nobles left immediately after, and Renji asked me what happened. As if we'd talked only yesterday instead of weeks, months ago even.

I told him what they said. And I waited.

I waited for him to say something. To fight for me.

Give me a reason to stay.

But none of that happened.

Instead he just said, "Wow! That's great Rukia!" Clutching my shoulders and telling me about how jealous he was. How I'd have all the finery in the world. How I'd never lack for anything. And the food! Oh, the food...

But I'd heard enough.

I don't know what I expected. For him to tell me to consider my future carefully? For him to at least show some reluctance to let me go? I don't know. I wish I didn't care.

I'd been naive. He'd left me behind a long time ago.

So in the end I just thanked him, and ran, tears in my eyes, hoping Kuchiki Byakuya would see the tears and take them for joy that a humble, poor peasant girl couldn't quite believe her luck.

X

Life was different as a Kuchiki. Well, I say different... really not a lot changed for me except the fact that I was given a lot more respect and everyone had to pay attention to me. I wasn't invisible anymore. But I still didn't feel like I really belonged. Quite often I an unwelcome guest in that house.

Byakuya was often busy with his duties, and the only times I really saw him were when I disappointed him by my meagre a accomplishments. Most of the time I was left to my own devices. If life at the academy was cold, then in the Kuchiki Manor it was even colder.

. . .

After a few years, I adjusted well enough. I settled into my division and did my work. It was mundane stuff, but work was work. And i threw myself into it headfirst. After Kaien passed I needed the distraction. I still don't like thinking about him. Though he often visits in my nightmares.

That's when the mission was assigned to me. Living world. Three months. Basic field duties. Just what I needed. Time to think, breathe, recover.

So when my captain .I would do it, of course I said yes.

. . .

The first week went well enough. The town was peaceful and quiet for the most part. Apart from the occasional hollow, life was easy. I often sat and watched the people in my downtime. It was nice. And I could pretend I was their friend and sit by them.

The peace was shattered however, when I met you.

You were brash. You were foolish.

We disagreed on a lot of things.

And yet, you were selfless. You were kind. And I always felt like I existed in your world. Like I belonged. Like I was a part of your family.

It was in the little things. Setting a place for me at the family dinner table, involving me in the happy chatter and teasing, giving me a place to stay. Telling me i was welcome anytime.

I dont know if you realised it at the time, but you were giving me that sense of belonging I'd been looking for all my life. And that's something I'll never forget.


End file.
